Forgiveness: On the Path of Healing (Part 1)

Forgiveness- On the Path of Healing

You've been wronged, criticized, humiliated, or ignored. You’re hurt. You can justify what happened, how you were right, and gather the support of others to sympathize and agree with you. This defensive position makes you feel less sadness, shame, anger and guilt, and you even may get slight relief from blaming the ones who wronged you.

To truly move on in your life, you must take the opportunity to forgive. It seems like a Paradox...they've wronged me-and I need to forgive them? How can that be?

Forgive Yourself:

Forgiveness is healing. If you can forgive yourself AND the other party, your life will change immediately and you’ll feel instant peace. It can be like the weight of the world coming off your shoulders!

Look inside. Have you purposely tried to hurt others? Yourself? Probably not, so you forgive what you perceive as “wrong” with yourself.

Let go of the blame: for not being good enough, not doing things differently the first time, whatever. Let go of it. What’s happened is done, and blaming yourself will never change things. Blame and Guilt is a pattern. These are very low vibrations. We grew up trying to please others, to get their approval, to be perfect, and if we didn't, we were punished, or imagined punishment.

You MUST forgive yourself. Stop blaming yourself and beating yourself up. Realize that you’re going through an ongoing growth and learning experience, and this is one step along the way.

Imagine yourself as an innocent and sweet child, DOING THE BEST THAT YOU CAN. This side of you would never purposely hurt another. You’ve just made a mistake, and are learning (maybe the hard way) how to deal with others, how to break the pattern that you may have. When we come into this world, we are pure love, learning our habits from others. But we never intentionally try to hurt ourselves or others. Yet we hurt ourselves by blaming ourselves and “beating ourselves” up.

I have a picture of myself when I was around 2 or 3. I’m in a sailor bathing suit and a sailor hat with some white sunglasses on. I'm smiling at the camera and so happy. So innocent. I get tears in my eyes when I think of that picture.

That child never meant any harm to anyone.

Think of yourself that way. Innocent, doing the best you can with your life circumstances. You need to see that and feel it, and let go all of the anger that you have toward yourself. You’re not bad, you’ve made mistakes.

Consider the way you talk to yourself during the day, especially if you’ve made a mistake. We’re our worst critics! We would NEVER talk to someone else the way we talk to ourselves. We should cherish ourselves, travelling through life, learning our lessons, helping others!

If you don't forgive yourself and others, that hurt, anger and resentment stays with you, and may even grow. Many people are stuck in the past, dwelling on things that happened years ago, rather than releasing their grudges and moving on with their life. We all know people that have held a grudge and not talked with a family member for years. That’s not healthy.

Forgiving yourself may be a lifelong process, as it may take several rounds to completely handle!

Forgive Others:

Have you heard the saying that "Resentment is like taking poison and thinking your enemy is going to get sick"? Release your hurt & anger for your own sake, if not for the sake of the other party involved.

Perhaps the one who criticized you actually had a valid point that you couldn’t or wouldn’t hear. Perhaps you actually did something harmful, and should learn from that lesson. Look from a different perspective to see if there could be a lesson to learn. Feel how your “opponent” may have viewed the situation.

Being open to others feedback allows you growth and possible opportunity. You don’t need to follow anyone’s ideas unless you choose to. It’s hard to hear someone that’s critical or negative, but constructive suggestions can help you grow.

When you’re angry with someone, you send, and they receive, angry energy, even if they’re not physically with you. This energy will always be there unless it’s processed. When you truly forgive someone, even when they’re not aware that they’re forgiven, they’ll most likely feel the change in the energy and may even respond you differently. If you work on forgiving them, you may be surprised at how quickly this energetic shift occurs!

Being defensive is just your EGO—you feel the guilt and shame of making a mistake, and you feel better if it wasn't your fault. Blame feels better than Guilt. Defensiveness keeps you stuck in the same patterns forever. Some people stay angry and defensive their entire lives! Don't let this happen to you. Start along the path of healing.

Forgive yourself, an ongoing process, then forgive them. You don't have to like them, associate with them or even communicate to them. You’re not condoning what they’ve done. You’re freeing yourself, changing the energy of the situation to that of healing. In fact, you may even need to work on this for someone who’s deceased, or no longer accessible.

Stop blaming others. Believe it or not, they were doing the best that they could. They may not know how to communicate with you effectively. They didn’t purposely start out to hurt you, and probably didn’t know any other way to get what they wanted. Everyone does the best that they can with their level of awareness at the time.

Picture your "opponent" as a young child. See that they were also innocent. We must believe that they did what they did because they didn't know any other way to get what they needed. They have a different perspective, and maybe limited awareness. They hurt you because they didn't know a better way!

One statement that I often use is “they were misinformed”. This allows me to think that the other party made a decision or took action on erroneous assumptions, which is often the case. This may allow you to re-frame the issue and look at it from a different perspective.

Not thinking about the situation is NOT the same as forgiving someone. You may have just been busy, or buried the thoughts associated with your disagreement. When your thoughts touch upon a sensitive topic and you have an emotional reaction, it’s time to work with the issue until it’s neutral.

Remember, forgiving others is for YOU, but it could have the added side benefit of correcting an uncomfortable relationship.

Ask for their Forgiveness

Throughout life, you’ve hurt and wronged many. Much of it might have been unintentional. Ask for forgiveness of those you have ever hurt. This may sound backward but you must ask for their forgiveness so that you can move forward. It’s not so much about actually receiving their forgiveness as it is about changing the energy of the situation

It’s shocking how fast and effective this can work. You are literally changing the energy of the situation from heavy and dense to lighter and higher. People you’ve had disagreements with may radically change their behavior toward you after you do this, for the better, with nothing discussed in the physical. Regardless of their behavior, your life will change, you’ll feel better, and things will shift in a more positive fashion for you.